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Muserology Cafe
Virtual Friendship (Nov/Dec 2008)
by Gail Gallaher, age 13, Washington
I’ve never met many of my friends.
They will never go to my school. I’m almost positive that I will never
call them on the telephone. For many, I will never see their face or
hear their voice.
And yet, I know that they’ll always be there when I log onto my
favorite blog-based forum. We’ll update each other on our lives,
dissect the latest issue of our favorite magazine, give each other
advice on dealing with friends and family, and offer each other virtual
shoulders to cry on if needed. In short, we are friends.
The development of e-mail has done a lot to keep people in touch,
whether someone is communicating across the globe for a business
transaction or corresponding with her best friend who moved to Nevada.
But e-mail, blogs, forums, and social networking websites have also
given rise to communities of people that are unlikely to ever meet
offline.
It’s amazing how close you can become to a person who doesn’t even know
your full name. The anonymity of the Internet can be like a cloak of
invisibility, under which you can conceal some personal details about
yourself while freely disclosing others. It’s certainly possible for
someone to know you very well without ever seeing you.
What I love is that my online friends don’t judge me through a veil of
stereotypes, like my friends at school might. If I’ve had a hard day at
school that I want to talk about, I can share my honest feelings
without being afraid that I will be judged unfairly. I never have to
worry that I have to change who I am in order for them to like me. I
can just be myself, and form friendships based on personality instead
of looks or popularity.
The problem, however, is that some people don’t understand how I can
feel close to what they see as just words on a computer screen. One of
the coolest people I know is somebody I met online, and have only met
offline for a few hours. We’ve written entire novels together, and had
countless discussions about every aspect of life, from our favorite
books to our irritating siblings. If that’s not a friend, what is?
As far as many social networking sites are concerned, you don’t even
have to talk to someone to be their pal. You can add a guy in Alaska
who likes the same flavor of ice cream as you, or a potato in Ireland
that makes cool music videos, to your friends list just as easily as
you can add friends from your school or your online BFF.
Despite this, the basic definition of a friend has remained the same. A
friend is somebody you can pour your heart out to when you’re troubled,
and they won’t think of you any differently. With a true friend, you
can talk about anything, and even fight, but you’ll eventually come
around and almost forget it ever happened. Most importantly of all, a
friend is somebody that you can talk to and laugh with: somebody you
genuinely care about. Even though I probably won’t ever meet them in
real life, my online friends are friends in the truest sense of the
word.
I very much agree with Cat's Meow. Talking online lets you choose your words and express yourself more openly than talking in person. I find myself much less reserved when I'm on MB, and it's much easier to be myself. I suppose talking to Musers helps too.
(October 23, 2008 - 6:16 pm)
I also agree with both of you. Since most of my friends have forsaken me, I find the place where I find my inner peace is not really a place. It's MuseBlog, and most people don't get it. I can be hyper there, burn off virtual calories, and rant and rant and rant. It's the only place where Leafygreen is my best friend now, as we are less than acquaintances now. My tempo can be as fast as I want it, my musc can be as long or short as I want it, and life is so much simpler.
(October 24, 2008 - 10:42 pm)
I agree with Zinc. It's strange to feel like best friends with someone you've never met in real life, but I do all the same. My real life friends think that it's silly, but I don't.
On MuseBlog, I can yell, I can do RIDUCLOUS things, and no one tells me to stop. YAY!
(December 24, 2008 - 1:02 pm)
I love it Cat's Meow!
Thats pretty much how I feel too. My mom says I need to get more real friends, and I tell her I have a ton of real friends. I've seen lots of them, but the majority is people I've never seen. I always try and think of what it would be like if the people met on the internet were people I see a lot, for some reason, I can never imgaine it.
(October 24, 2008 - 6:07 pm)
Wow, Meow wrote this? Flamablamablous!
And, yes, I agree. Virtual friends are good. But beware of stalkers!
(November 30, 2008 - 1:09 pm)
I have quite a few anonymous friends also, and it annoys my parents to no end. Whenever they complain I threaten to start hanging out with my twin brother, which he absolutely hates!
(December 10, 2008 - 3:17 pm)
How can you be only four? ??
(May 16, 2009 - 2:41 pm)
i second.
(March 4, 2010 - 8:23 pm)
I third. maybe it was just a random number. =)
(June 16, 2010 - 12:37 pm)
I agree Cat's Meow! :-) It's good to be able to make friends online without any negative stereotypes coming your way, so you can just act like yourself. Of course, that's if you're fortunate to not run into any internet stalkers. ;-)
(October 28, 2008 - 7:33 pm)
online frinds are cool but what is really important is real buddys because they are always there for you and you know woh they really are because someone could be a nice sweet peoson online but offline they could be nasty and mean.
(November 4, 2008 - 8:46 am)
Our friends online are our real buddies! Did you read the article? Many people on the forum have very little friends outside of it, but are great people on the 'blog! Just because somebody's online, doesn't mean they don't exist! Some of my closest friends I met on MuseBlog. Is that a bad thing? Absolutely not! They're my best friends because they share my interests, not because they don't know who I really am! If I knew these people before MB, I can garuntee they would be my friends! Saying that real buddies are more important than online buddies is kind of contradictory!
And your pont that "real" friends are always there for you is null and void, seeing as the first thing the article determines is tht online friends are always there for you. I've opened up more and gotten a lot more good advice from MBers than from anyone else in my life! Yes, they could be nasty people offline, but because the moderators of the website are so protective, there's no way they can ever meet up with us and be total jerks except when we're surrounded by other nice people, so really, they're doing more good than bad by being nice online! And also, maybe they're mean and nasty offline because they have trouble relating to people on the spur of the moment! As people have already said, it's easier to talk to people online because you have time to plan what you say.
As for knowing who they really are, I would say it's easier to know who someone really is when you only hear what people are saying. Unintentionally or not, we all automatically form steriotypes (however small) about people when you first see them, and even once you get to know them better, the first impression stays with you unconciously. Online, people are judged only by what they say, which is something they have considerably more control over than what they look like.
Whoa. I just hit preview, and this looks sorta long. Sorry if I seem harsh.
(August 27, 2009 - 10:04 am)
That's cool that you are friends with someone online, but isn't it kind of weird not knowing what they look like? Do people at school think that it is weird to have friends with someone online?
(November 19, 2008 - 2:37 pm)
No and no. (I have online friends, too).
(April 10, 2010 - 8:37 pm)
Hi,
First I loved reading this article, it made me realize that a lot of people do use the internet to let feelings/problems out that they don't want to make known to your friends or family. I think that she did a great job of expressing your feelings about your "virtual friends," I personally have made a few friends on the virtual online games and we don't keep up with each other like explain in this particular article, but we do play online with each other and enjoy chatting about the certain game we are playing. I don't talk to them much anymore, but it was a great feeling when you have someone who goes the extra mile to help you and then becomes a sort of friend. I hope everyone feels like they have someone that they can always go to for anything, I know when I feel alone in something, I talk to my friends and they help, offer support, and sometimes even feel the same way or have the same problems I'm expressing.
Libby
(November 19, 2008 - 2:38 pm)
I think it's very refreshing to talk to somone who can give you an unprejudiced opinion about an every day subject. For example, I may ask my mom about something and expect her answer , but talking to an online friend may give me an idea of a situation from a completely different perspective.
(December 10, 2008 - 3:07 pm)
I agree that the web can be a great place to find new friends, and that virtual friendship has so many positives (which you summed up perfectly), but just don't spend all your time online. It's not healthy.
(December 14, 2008 - 1:46 am)
I very much disagree. I have made many good friends offline, and real relationships are based on the real person. Also, what happens if the person never gets online? People before the internet age got along fine and had healthy relationships and families. I enjoy my best friend's smile and twinkle in her eye, and those things can't be provided online.
(December 27, 2008 - 9:07 pm)
For crying out loud, I only just started talking to friends online a few months ago. It's not like iwas saying every one should have friends online, because that's not true, it's just not for some people. And by the way, what makes you think that we're not real people?! I have lots of friends offline! CHILL OUT!!!
(January 15, 2009 - 7:36 pm)
All the people who say that online friends are bad are instantly bombarded with contradiction. be nice
(March 4, 2010 - 8:28 pm)
I agree with Emma!!!!!!!!!!! Offline friends are WAY better!!!!
(February 27, 2009 - 7:38 pm)
Actually, with the developement of emoticons, those things are easily accesible online! *is pied*
(August 31, 2009 - 10:36 pm)
Do excuse me for intruding upon the discussion (if it is a discussion, per se). As a MBer myself, my opinion may be biased, but I assure you it will not.
I would like to grant my immediate opinion: you ranters are completely wrong.
Now, my second opinion: Now, now, Zinc, they prolly haven't met MuseBlog yet.
To support my first opinion, I would like to tell you about my bestest friend ever, Olivia. Olivia came from South Korea two years ago. My other best friend at the time and I quickly bonded with her, and we became a inseperable threesome. Then, last summer, Olivia moved back to Korea. I came to middle school confident I'd have my two best friends in all my classes. Turns out, Leafygreen was in none and Olivia was in Korea.
Now, over the months and new friends, heartbreaks, and drama that have passed, I've quite forgotten what she looks like. So all I know her as is a girl who was my best friend and moved, but we still communicate over email. Online friend (although she doesn't get on the computer much, Asian schools and all).
Now I'm going to hunt down that potato that makes these awesome videos. Später!
(March 29, 2009 - 4:35 pm)
Woah, cool. I didn't realize my article was here! You find cool things when you Google your own name.
Anyways, it was nice to read all of your comments. To those who advocated for "real-life" friendships, I totally agree! It takes all kinds of friends to make a person successful - there's those that will support you when you're down, those that can always make you laugh, those that will always take your side, those that tell you when you're wrong, etc. I just consider online friends to be another sort of category. It's nice to have a good mix of everything!
(April 27, 2009 - 9:06 pm)
I didn't know this was here, I kind of just found it. So sorry for being late. I don't know if anyone will ever read this, but I felt like posting it anyways.
I've been on MB for a while. And while the people have changed, some have gone, some have stayed, and some just get older, I've gotten to know some quite well. Sometimes I forget that I can't actually pick up the phone and call them. Offline friends see you for who you aren't and who you are, and have to pick what's real and what's not. They see your clothes, your face, your other friends (or lack thereof). I might be able to be best friends with someone online who would stay as far away from me on a subway as physically possible. Anyways, the friends online have always been there for me, and they don't care what I look like and I don't care what they look like. It's what we discuss that makes us friends. This is a trait in a real friend, not just some person you have something in common with.
Offline friends are great, sure, but there's nothing wrong with having online friends. It's sometimes a lot easier than having offline friends.
Anyways, don't be too prejudiced. Go check out the MB.
(August 27, 2009 - 3:11 pm)
I don't blog very much, but I can attest to the power of online friends. I used to go to school with one of my best friends, but then I moved, so we never see each other any more. Even so, we still keep in touch via email. On the other hand, one of my friends I do see at school still, but the only time we really talk to each other is at track practice (that's actually how we became friends) but after school we email each other like crazy and have all kinds of neat conversations.
(December 29, 2009 - 9:30 am)
I have a friend i have never met. I found him on a MMOH (massive multiplayer online game) he is very kind and i can ask him for advice. His name is dr dragon 49 and if you know him or are him please tell him its 5coolrat.
(March 4, 2010 - 8:21 pm)
i'm really grateful for online networking. it can really help u keep up with ppl u never see.
(October 1, 2010 - 8:29 am)